She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
