I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
