Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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