last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize