i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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