if you like me you must not know who I am
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
