and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
