if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
