The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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