I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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