I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you would pick up someone in the library
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
