Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
