4 words: hood of his car
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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