My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
