That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
