***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
too bad you live with your parents still
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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