i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize