I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
