Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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