mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
