The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
