"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
