just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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