U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
