spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
