Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize