Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize