i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
