Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
