Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
