got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
