I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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