my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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