i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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