Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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