If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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