textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
