Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
