Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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