Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Green mimosas i think yes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
