All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
