Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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