Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
