Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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