He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize