sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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