Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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