You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
