i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
