So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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