were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
