it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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