just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
