just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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