five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
