yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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