New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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