Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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