chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
