how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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