I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
