Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
