I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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