Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
