i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
