you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
