Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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