Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
