He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
