Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
