weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
