last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
