Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize