2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
