READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
