Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
