I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
