yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize