respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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