remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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