it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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