I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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