Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
