In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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