you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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