consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
