I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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