I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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