I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
