I saw his package. It spoke to me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize