if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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