just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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