im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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