remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Randomize
