you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
