dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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