He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
