Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
