Porn is love you can see.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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