i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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